Yesterday evening, before Will got home, the phone rang. The caller ID showed that the call was coming from the University, and since I can never remember Will’s office number I thought maybe it was him. I answered.
Sadly, it was not Will. It was some kid named Brian, calling to ask me, as a “Young Alumni” [sic.] for $250.
First, I explained to him that I wasn’t really an aluma, since I was still a student and had been continuously, in the same department, working towards the same degree, since I first enrolled. “I’m a grad student, you know, so I don’t really have a lot of extra money right now. I do believe in giving back to one’s school and will definitely do so once I have graduated and have a job.”
I hoped that would work, but it never does and it didn’t this time. Now, keep in mind that I’m also holding a squirming baby and trying to keep Otto from flipping out at the squirrels outside as we speak. As they always do, the kid backed down to a request for “just $100.”
Well here’s where I thought I could really silence him. “Actually, I just had a baby, and I really just don’t have any extra money right now.”
And Thomas let out a nice loud squack, as if on cue.
This made the kid pause for a moment, but it didn’t stop him. He just changed the subject, asking if I had been to either of the home football games yet. Kind of a stupid question. “Yeah, I just put my infant in the cooler with the Bud Light and had a great old time.”
I said no. He asked what I like to do for fun around town. I replied that I hadn’t done a lot of stuff around town, what with the baby and all. By this point he’s really uncomfortable, because he’s clearly reading from some kind of script and I am fouling it all up. But he forged ahead, letting me know that there is some Big 10 challenge, where the amount is unimportant — they just want participation. Last year we were 6th out of the 11 Big-10 schools, etc. Boo hoo, boo hoo.
By this point Thomas was really pissed off because he needed to take a nap. Squacking, crying, squirming, etc. The kid asked “Is that your baby?” I said “yes, and I’m going to have to go.” “Well, could you just spare maybe $50 or $25 for the Big 10 challenge?”
Ugh. Grr. I decided to try a new tactic. “Sure, put me down for $20.”
That got rid of him.
Little does he know that the minute his pledge envelope comes through the door, it’s headed to the shredder faster than my schnauzer can wake a sleeping baby. Ha.
